THINGS THAT MADE ME GO: "WAIT WHAT!? WHY THE FUCK DID NOBODY TELL ME THIS!?"

THINGS I HAVE LEARNED THAT TOOK ME WAY TOO LONG TO FIGURE OUT.

THINGS THAT HAVE MADE MY LIFE BETTER AND EASIER.

Just fucking Google it (JFGI)

Remember back in the day when you had a question and you're like "hmm I wonder what the answer is? How could I possibly find out the average lifespan of a badger? I wish there was some way I could find out. If only I had all 600 volumes of my Encyclopedia Britannica on me". No. You don't remember this. Because it was so long ago and you probably weren't even born yet.

It's 2016, just fucking Google it (JFGI). It's actually mind boggling how many times in a given day that someone asks me a question and I am forced to say a) hang on, I will Google it (if they are a colleague) or b) JFGI (if they are a friend or "other", or sometimes also a colleague). It's like they are SURPRISED when I find the answer in 0.1 seconds. What did they THINK was going to happen? Do they just sit there thinking to themselves "Whelp, we may never know who won the 2004 US presidential election. And we probably CAN never know. And I guess that's just something we are going to have to live with".

This problem is annoying in day to day life, but it's particularly annoying in a business context. Check yoself before you ask a simple question at work (or even sometimes a complex question), because a lot of the time you can resolve these bad boys with a simple Google. Reasons you should JFGI in a business context:

  1. You look amateurish if you ask a dumb question, which you should have been able to answer yourself.

  2. You waste the time of the person you are asking, which is disrespectful.

  3. You look SMARTER if you figure out the answer yourself. This shows you are independent, resourceful, and a problem solver.

If your problem is that you're just shit at using Google, here is a helpful infographic from Mashable which should help you on your merry way: http://mashable.com/2011/11/24/google-search-infographic/#VzETxa3zvsqt. Take the time to get good at Googling - it's remarkable how many people raised in the internet age do not have this skill. It's actually an advantage that many people suck at Googling, because when you're good at it, people think you are some kind of search engine sorcerer.

The only excuse I will accept for this annoying behaviour is if you are old and you were not raised in the age of the interwebs and therefore I should cut you some slack because you probably still use the phrase "surfing the net" and have an @aol.com email address. This is fine, and be kind to your mother when she asks you about it and don't ridicule her when she asks you how you figured out the weather forecast using only your iPhone. She taught you how to use a fucking spoon you nuffy.

Think before you speak, and if in doubt, get one of those cool bracelets that say WWJD but have one made that says JFGI. This will serve as a constant reminder to make good choices. Better yet, I will personally make some and send them to you. Let me know how many you want (these make great gifts for your friends, family, and shit colleagues), and I will ship them to you. I'll send you a link to the Kickstarter campaign, right after I ask someone where I can find a factory to make these.

(Maybe) fail safe iPhone back up

99 problems but writing an email to Jay Z ain't one